69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
