Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
