my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am midnight drunk by noon
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
