omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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