My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
