420 ftw
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
