Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
