Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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