My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
