I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
