my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
