I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
