i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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