I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
