i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
