at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
