in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
