your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
