we're chasing vodka with high fives
She announced her abortion via fbk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize