When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
