if only i could text you this smell
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you never un-have a 4some
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
