I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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