hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she looked like the before picture.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
