Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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