just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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