Porn is love you can see.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
