u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
