what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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