a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
