it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
