is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
