I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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