Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize