i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
