something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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