Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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