I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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