He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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