Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
