That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
