You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
