Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
