Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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