Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
