Porn is love you can see.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
