Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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