i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
