My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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