the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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