Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
