did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
