A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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