i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
