Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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