I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
