thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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