I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize