Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
