Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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