Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
