i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
