I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize